confessions of a 20 year old..

Confessions of a twenty year old!!

Um just sittin idle all alone in my balcony with the wind blowin slow and nice..
Headphones coverin my ears wid darius singin out loud,"if only we could live twice"
I just feel the urge to write down something,
So I just pick my nokia and start typing...

My thots are random and they hover around all my life so far,
Memzz are abundant and to mark many I bear a scar,
The tym I remember I had a row wid a frnd and I made him cry,
But wait,he too left a short mark ryt below my left eye,
I automatically look at my arm just to chk it again,
Is dere still proof of d tym I slit it,oh yea I ws insane,
D frustration of dat nyt and the mixed outflow of d drink I had,
It all just intensified the hatred I had fr life,y ws myn so bad!!??
As I blink my eyes another tym,a picture emerges ryt in front of me,
Its dark and shadowy,i wonder,"is it her??could it be???!!"
she was gorgeous and breathtakin,the first 1 I thot I loved,
For almost two years for her my eyes wept and my heart bled,
Well,nw its ol fyn and over with and done,
Cz later I realised dat all it ws is wat we call infatuation...
Flashes of my two most memorable years in kota appear now,
it was definitely the tym of my life,if u saw it u sure wud be like woww,
It gave me a cpl of friends,and friends for life,forever by my side,
They have known me inside out,wid dem I got nothin to hide,
And now its bruno's voice I hear as "I sit by myself talkin to the moon",
I look at d clock,hw cud it be 3 so soon??!!
Ah,hw does it reallie matter and ryt nw I hardly care,
Sittin in my balcony and just givin the nyt sky a blank stare...
I feel my cheeks gone cold and I touch em to find em wet,
Y do dese eyes flow,ryt nw smthn I find reallie hard to get..
Dn suddenly an image pops up in front of my eyes,all smilin and cheerful,
Is dis wat left my eyes tearful??!!
The picture is faint and far fetched,but yea,i can recognise dat face,
Shez d one who comes up in all my dreamz,keeps runnin and gives me nthng but a chase,
Do I love her??,I wonder!!
But if I do,does she love me too??,oh these thots are pushin me under...

I guess I have had enough for now,its tym to bring this to a close,
Its gonna be sunrise in two hours nw I suppose,
Its hot out here but inside of me I feel so damn cold,
I guess its all coz of d wrds I let out,cnfessions of a twenty year old...
Um gonna lie dwn nw and let my eyes have some rest,
Dunno if it ll come tonight,sleep,u ll have me under ur arrest??!!

My BfF

well,i sit down today in front of my lappie with a resolution,
to do something i have been wishin to do, for way too long,
honour her with an apt description,
my bff,with whom there is no right fr me and there is nothin wrong...

I call her ronnie,have known her since the spring of 09,
since i met her,i hvnt found another frnd so fine,
when i look back now,i realise we hv a come a long way together,
and each day i wish,i just wish we stay the same forever and ever...

now definin her in words,not so tuff for me,seem to knw her so well,
always asks me wat wud she do widout me,my luvlie mademoiselle,
shez carefree,shez independent and the sweetest one around,
if i could,i would keep her wrapped away from the world,a gem any1 wud wish they found...

shez funnie,shez crazy,she can turn ur world upside down,
her eyes are so clear,so deep,dun look too long or u r sure to drown,(:P)
shez a child at heart,and is so damn cute,wud give barbie a run fr money,
her smile is d best 1 i knw,even if at times she looks like a funny bunny...:D

there is so much dat i can go on to put in words about her,
lately i remember her askin me ,"oye ullu,wanna be my chauffer?",
she brought me from being armaan to just being ME,
and then 1 day put in a U where there lay an E..(aur kuch rhyme h ni kia :P)

she is always skeptical about,never satisfied with the way she looks,
what she must wear the next day is more imp even on an xam than goin thru the books,:P
she is so lazyyy,just dun get me started on this,
let her sleep for the whole day,oh yea,fr her its eternal bliss...

lets move over to her eating habbits,and mind it,she loves to eat,
she ll order a zillion different things none of which ll ever be eaten complete,
the nescafe's ice tea is what she likes to drink whatever be the reason,
and with her i luv it too,we never miss it fr anythin,be it summer or be it the winter season...

well,i could fill a thousand pages if i went on to write about her all that i know ov,
she is just so amazin,just so wnderful and so damn beautiful and as pure as a dove,
i knw when she reads this,shez gonna be just too overwhelmed and ecstatic,
but what can i say,after all said and done, she is so so charismatic...

now i come to a close to this small effort from me to say a word or two,
to let her knw"this is just a part of what i feel about you,
just be the same sweetie cuz being by ur side is the best thing to hv happened to me,
a promise i give,no matter what happens,this ammu ll always be there for u,ronnie"!!!!

A comebak..

Hmare liye to har din ek yaad hai...har raat me chupa ek aansu hai...
har shabd me chupi ek kahani aur har muskaan k peeche ek gham ki nishani hai...

Hum to shabdon se bhaaga krte the,hume to shayar bnaya hmari tanhaayi ne...mohabbat me unki gaane gungunana chahte the,par aansu dikhaye sirf unki judaai ne...peene chahe the sang jiske khushi k jaam,maikhaane ka aadi bnaya unhi ki rusvaayi ne...

Chahte hain unhe hum kitna,kaash kabhi unhe bta paate,
roye hain akele me bahot,kaash unke saamne bhi in ashkon ko baha paate
jazbaat chupana aadat ho gyi hai,kaash kabhi to inhe jata paate...
kaash hum apni har baat se is kaash ko mita paate...

Love it is!!

Love can be hard...but its always sweet...and it will always be lovely...this silly thing we call love,makes us do,say,bear,inflict,all the crazy stuff one can think about...a long time back,i vowed to myself to never let this silly thing get the better of me,but i guess love has its own ways...it can enter locked doors,sneak right in when u least expect it to be around...when i look back on the year that has passed,i realise how this thing we call love,just like a connie,crooked thief,picks the lock,even the best 1 u can put on the door to ur heart(a real TMK at this),tiptoes its way in and just stays there in a corner,dormant but brewing silently,only to erupt at a certain moment of time...a lil while before that time,u myt start to get tingles on ur insides,wondering about what the hell is wrong wid u...u can't concentrate on anything,u seem to have lost all ur focus,cant stay still,u keep wondering about something and still are totally unaware of what that can be,but u just cant stop thinking,certain things make u feel funny,u get confused at times about whether to be happy or sad and u just end up being neither of the evil twins...all these are not signs that u r going crazy,ok well yeah,u can say u are going crazy but u just cannot comprehend why...this is just the devil in ur heart dressing up to show itself...and when finally that moment arrives,its usually something or someone that triggers it and kaboom!!!behold the strongest force,probably the best thing to have happened to u and also something u ll once for sure pray shudn't have,this silly thing called love...the timing of that moment is actually very crucial in some people's lives,just like it was in myn or rather to say just like it was in ruining myn...the time around which this explosion of emotions took place inside me was the time i actually realised that i had already lost the most imp battle of my life,the battle of love...she,who had conjured up this strange feeling inside me was going through something similar,only for someone that wasn't me...ooohh,that lucky bastard,ok,i myt actually seem to hate him,but i seriously don't...rationally speaking,well that guy was just better or maybe was in d right place at the right time...the heartbreak was immensely heart rendering but maybe i was spared of the pain of rejection...or maybe not,coz even if she didnt get to say no to me,i knew that already...or just to comfort myself,i may say that maybe,just a maybe here,maybe she would have nodded her head in approval and not sideways...but whatever,that rendezvous never happened,and i m gonna try to the best of my strength that it doesnot till i breathe...its strange,its been quite some time now,i might even get to celebrate my 1st anniversary of heartbreak,not for a day,but i guess for a couple of em coz it wasnt just a particular day that gave it to me,it was that damned week or two over which the mystery of my craziness and all the shit unfolded...there was and there still aint anything to comfort myself,the only fact that keeps me going even now is that she existed,she does too now and she ll for a long long time(I actually do pray for that),that she is the one I fell in real love with,that i actually found someone worth more than any damn thing for me in the whole wide world out there...and the best part in all of this,that atleast she won this silly thing we call love and with what grandeur...she can manage a smile,being with the guy(yea,the lucky bastard)...the love that I hold back,is(only according to me,mind it)probably much more than what they share summed up both ways,this love would have been enough for the both of us(IF ONLY!!),all she would ever need to do is just have a lil faith in me,but whatever,i seem to have started sounding like a sore looser...no,that ain't what I am...they say,in this thing called love,(dunno whether i should be calling it silly anymore,it definitely got the better of ME),there z always a winner but also exists a looser heart...well,i don't mind being the latter coz even then i do get to be with her...so what if not in person.i got my words like these right here,then on d occasional times i do manage to sleep,i have my dreamz(there z nothing wrong in dreaming about something even when u know u cannot have it,at least I take this as a fact)...I do manage to find her everywhere around me,well yea,she is unaware of the fact...a couple of occasions when we actually still do get to talkin,she wonders if I could ever manage to be in the so called committed league she z a part of,and all i wonder is,how the hell do i keep my mouth shut at this very instant...but yea,just so u know, i am doing a fairly good job at it and with all the time under my belt now,i seem to have lost any regret i had for failing yet again...i might not have succeeded in being loved back by the most beautiful girl in my world but i still did fall for her and yea,it does get a lil tuff at times,coping up wid d realisation,but i found my salvation in acceptance...i may not be a great guy,but i know my love is and ll be,it myt just be eternal too,or so i hope and i have a fairly strong understanding of my words now,yea,love can be and will be hard,but it will always be lovely,always worth the pain,the wait,the sacrifice and definitely worth the fight,even if its the last 1 u got in you...what a great thing called love(silly does sound a lot more dramatic though!!)...

Seconded...

It doesn't matter if u ask me to wait,
Its just a period of time,
This too shall pass,I tell myself,
There is no point in cryin...

What actually keeps bothering my mind,
Is how u just cannot comprehend,
Being seconded always for him by you,
Is not something that I can stand...

He brings u tears and gives u fears,
Its me who takes them away,
But still its his words and what he does,
That makes u n ur mood to sway...

Each time I meet or talk to u,
I try to make it f a special kind,
But still his thoughts and how he feels,
Is all that z on ur mind...

Chup rehna yun asaan nahi hota,

dil ka har ik jazbaat byaan nahi hota,

mushkil hi sahi,chahat ka izhaar to kr hi dete hain log,

koi hmse puche,apni mohabbat ko kisi aur ki baahon me thamana apni maut ka farmaan hai,

ye kisi bhi aashiq k dil ka armaan nahi hota...

ek khwaab ek khyaal...

Raat ye lambi hai,yu to guzar hi jaegi,ek tera khwaab mil jaaye to kya baat hai!!!
Manzil duur hui to kya,raah guzar to jaegi hi,ek tera saath mil jaaye to kya baat hai...
Nafrat to zaalim sabhi krte hi hain,ek tera pyaar mil jaaye to kya baat hai...
Duubkar b kinare tk to pahunch hi jaunga,ye samundar paar krane ko ek tera haath mil jaaye to kya baat hai!!!!