I am just me...

I know that noone else can love you,take care of you and keep you happy and bring a smile on your face in a better way than i can...but that's not what this is about...had it been so,i would not have held back for so long...after all,it isnt easy for me too...i have been doing it all along cuz its all about with whom u wanna stay happy,with whom u wanna feel all that love,whose care u want...and wen it comes to this,there isnt much thought needed...its quite an easy choice for u...it has got to be him...coz watever i do,i always come second to him...u say we are best frnz...i accept that and there isnt a better reason i need to survive...but so is he...and probably a better frnd than me...the relationship that we share is kinda monotonous...coz since we hv been together,nt once did i hurt u so bad or irritate u enuf for u to be annoyed at me or shout at me...nt once did i feel bad or angered by anything u did or said,probably coz i have always been that sweet simple guy,who just wants to c u smiling,watever it takes...we have never fought so badly...i may have lead u to tears a couple of times but that too coz i just told u wat i felt was going wrong...and the guilt of makin those tears flow has been immense and u knw that too...since then,i have stopped lettin u knw even that...but with him,its different...u guys are much better frnz coz probably he is lively,cares about u,loves u a lot but dsnt frget that he himself exists..he annoys u in a way that he knws that even if u shout at him and ask him to leave u alone,either u ll run bak to him with an apology or he ll catch up...he has that confidence...maybe i lack that and i abstain from doin anythin risky for fear of loosing u...coz i knw that i ll never stop runnin up to u with an apology but am nt so sure that if ever i hurt u,u wud ever turn back and stop to listen...and i dun have the strength to c u gone even in a dream...i wud rather keep my feelings to myself and stay frnz with u and c u happy even if it means lettin u go with him rather than riskin it all and loosing the relation that we share...of course,it kills me to c u turn to him all the tym i need u...but i have got to keep my cool...coz its ur life...i can be there for u wen u need me and that i always ll...but i cannot really barge into ur life wen u need to be on ur own or u want to be in his company...maybe this weakness of nt being able to let u knw is my biggest adverse point...but wat can i do...my love fo u is stronger than anything else but sadly i myself am not strong enuf to fave the risk of seeing u gone...he maybe smarter than me,even better lookin,a livelier person and maybe u wud enjoy ur life more the way he makes u feel...but wat can i do,i cannot be him..all i can be is sm1 who loves u with all their heart...i am just me...