A new turn..

Decisions....so many to take n make...bt so few undertaken as n wen decided...all signs of the weakness...life here seems to have given me a second chance at this last mistake of mine...a chance to rethink my decision n maybe even revamp it cmpletely...from the look of things going on for now,it seems like i m gonna take the bait here n embark on a totally different decision...m not gonna leave now...maybe never ever of my own accord...i m gonna stay,fight,wid whomsoever i need to,me,u,us,the whole wide wide wrld or even life itself,if that is what stands in the way...m gonna change the way i have been living so far n thnking too...i have always thot i have fallen fr sm1 unattainable n dat too twice...cud have been true...but cud have been a cmpletely differnt thng altogether too...maybe they werent unattainable after all...maybe it was just wat i made myself c,thnk n make believe...maybe coz i was just afraid to try harder or maybe even coz i didnt knw wat exactly to do to get wat i had already cnvinced myself that i didnt really deserve,just desired...wth...hw cud i ever decide that i didnt deserve all f wat i felt cud have given me a motive to cntinue breathin...it isnt dat i didnt try hard enuf...i guess i didnt do a bad job at dat...bt so wat,i cud still have tried harder,tried till i either achieved my objective or perished in the attempts...bt i just simply decided to quietly perish away...y?..maybe cz i found it easier,simpler and more attainable...bt wat a shame on that too...even that i cudnt accomplish with total success...maybe that was His way of lettin me knw that i was just being an idiot n life had smthng more and even better in store for me...maybe that is why i found u...bt that was not the end f it,of the loser me...i went to decide that loving u was a crime just coz of a stupid reason...once again frcin upon me the fact that i had fallen fr sm1 unattainable...hw cud i decide that even before i had tried??i agree,n i still feel that there may nt be the slightest of similar feeling in u fr me...bt so wat...i was nt born wid love fr u in my heart...there were reasons,occasions n moments that bred it in me...even if its next to impossible fr the same to happen wid u fr me b4 it does fr sm1 else,but i cud still wait fr that to happen n till that doesnt,instead of just sittin bak n waiting fr life to screw me over once again,i cud try...try to be fr u wat u are fr me...i accept it may not be that simple a task,bt still i m nt gonna give up just fr d fact that smthng seems a lil too tuff to get..maybe that is what gives it the wrth...the effort,the failures n the efforts repeated,with greater strength n vigour...