Contd from http://armaan-goyal.blogspot.in/2015/04/acceptance-is-our-only-salvation-part-1.html
Now this is one of the most dangerous and devastating phases that most of the people have to go through, this denial mode. There is a very simple reason for its existence and an even simpler one for it being so dangerously devastating. The only reason most of us go into this denial mode is fear- the fear of loosing, loosing something that we feel has been gained with such great efforts and perseverance and feeling that its loss can bring unbearable pain. So just to avoid that imaginary(or real, wouldn't comment on that yet) pain, we start to fool ourselves that this rendezvous with the truth is actually a lie and that the cloaked person and those fabricated feelings are the real deal. We fail to realise that this denial mode may extend that period a little longer, but something with a foundation so weak can never stand the test of time or distance. I don't mean to question anyone's devotion or passion for the person they love, but if u will, just ask yourself this question once and keep the answer to yourself but still do ask yourself once, "Is this what u actually wanted?" The answer I know will mostly be a no and there is nothing to be discouraged about.
There are two ways this answer can take you. Yes, the answer will be the same,"NO", yet it can come from two totally opposite lines of reasoning. What matters now is if you can truly understand whether your line of reasoning was the correct one and also if you have the strength to accept it and face the consequence. I ll go for the brighter side first. Is this what you actually wanted, "No, it isnt!" Now just ask yourself,"But is all that has changed worth it or are you just fooling yourself coz you are too weak to accept the loss?". Here is when the story changes. If you are certain that all that has changed has been an evolution into something that may be unpredictable yet beautiful and that you are prepared to face any challenges that may arise in the future due to this, just forget everything and give it your all with your eyes closed coz you are now in the clear. However, if the answer to the last question is on the lines of,"I don't really know, all I know is that too much has changed and I am not sure whether these changes are for good or not!" well, that's a cause for worry. Changes are inevitable, but if they aren't happening for good(or if you aren't sure) well they are happening for the bad. There is no sweeter way to put this. And that is how we people need to take this reality check.
You can't always plan everything. Well ya, you can, but there is no way to predict if everything will go as you planned it. These are matters of the heart, and the workings of this part of us have never been a slave to logic, there is never the same outcome with the same variables. Nothing I guess is as fickle as this heart and the way it functions. I may sound a bit too dramatic here but that is how I see it. So coming back to the second answer, if that is what you get as a response, its time to face the reality and accept the fate. This is the time to be smart and to put an end to something you have been sugar coating for yourself as well as the other person involved. And there is a very important reason behind that. For you, the reply may be the latter but maybe the one you love has the former answer. Now this is where the true test comes in and the outcome of this is never pretty. This is where most of the trouble will arise if you have come this far in analyzing where you stand.
This is the stage that you know its time to end it all. But now you feel that the person you have been devoted to for such a long time, how can you let them loose just like that, how will you make them understand, how will they take it. Well, this all is what this feeling of love entails. This strength that you need to sever the bond that you have been clinging to because you were too afraid. Love isnt always about who can hang on the longest, its about having the strength to do the right thing at the right time. If you end it all at this moment when you realize this you will be doing yourself and the other person a favour. Yes the other person will be hurt but look at it this way, isnt that better than prolonging it and heading towards an ugly end that you know will come sooner or later. Lets just say that you do cloak yourself from this reality and keep going the way everything was. All you are now doing is digging two graves and one thing I can assure you is that you will have to bury the other person with your own hands before you lay in yours. Yes, ending it now is accompanied with seemingly unbearable pain, but this one passes, sometimes quickly and mostly slowly, but it passes. Its all on you, your strength and your perseverance.
Love is not something too complicated, it just requires a lot of courage and strength and just one additional thing, Truth in your heart. You have that and everything else will flow on its own. The pain, the tears and everything else will pass if you can accept it all. Nothing lasts forever, so make it worthwhile till it exists in its true form. Well I personally use my mantra and feel that it can pull you through it all, whichever side of the story you are on. Acceptance is definitely my only salvation coz the things I cannot change I can only accept, be it love or the absence of it. But then again, what do I know, maybe love got to me as well!! ;)
Now this is one of the most dangerous and devastating phases that most of the people have to go through, this denial mode. There is a very simple reason for its existence and an even simpler one for it being so dangerously devastating. The only reason most of us go into this denial mode is fear- the fear of loosing, loosing something that we feel has been gained with such great efforts and perseverance and feeling that its loss can bring unbearable pain. So just to avoid that imaginary(or real, wouldn't comment on that yet) pain, we start to fool ourselves that this rendezvous with the truth is actually a lie and that the cloaked person and those fabricated feelings are the real deal. We fail to realise that this denial mode may extend that period a little longer, but something with a foundation so weak can never stand the test of time or distance. I don't mean to question anyone's devotion or passion for the person they love, but if u will, just ask yourself this question once and keep the answer to yourself but still do ask yourself once, "Is this what u actually wanted?" The answer I know will mostly be a no and there is nothing to be discouraged about.
There are two ways this answer can take you. Yes, the answer will be the same,"NO", yet it can come from two totally opposite lines of reasoning. What matters now is if you can truly understand whether your line of reasoning was the correct one and also if you have the strength to accept it and face the consequence. I ll go for the brighter side first. Is this what you actually wanted, "No, it isnt!" Now just ask yourself,"But is all that has changed worth it or are you just fooling yourself coz you are too weak to accept the loss?". Here is when the story changes. If you are certain that all that has changed has been an evolution into something that may be unpredictable yet beautiful and that you are prepared to face any challenges that may arise in the future due to this, just forget everything and give it your all with your eyes closed coz you are now in the clear. However, if the answer to the last question is on the lines of,"I don't really know, all I know is that too much has changed and I am not sure whether these changes are for good or not!" well, that's a cause for worry. Changes are inevitable, but if they aren't happening for good(or if you aren't sure) well they are happening for the bad. There is no sweeter way to put this. And that is how we people need to take this reality check.
You can't always plan everything. Well ya, you can, but there is no way to predict if everything will go as you planned it. These are matters of the heart, and the workings of this part of us have never been a slave to logic, there is never the same outcome with the same variables. Nothing I guess is as fickle as this heart and the way it functions. I may sound a bit too dramatic here but that is how I see it. So coming back to the second answer, if that is what you get as a response, its time to face the reality and accept the fate. This is the time to be smart and to put an end to something you have been sugar coating for yourself as well as the other person involved. And there is a very important reason behind that. For you, the reply may be the latter but maybe the one you love has the former answer. Now this is where the true test comes in and the outcome of this is never pretty. This is where most of the trouble will arise if you have come this far in analyzing where you stand.
This is the stage that you know its time to end it all. But now you feel that the person you have been devoted to for such a long time, how can you let them loose just like that, how will you make them understand, how will they take it. Well, this all is what this feeling of love entails. This strength that you need to sever the bond that you have been clinging to because you were too afraid. Love isnt always about who can hang on the longest, its about having the strength to do the right thing at the right time. If you end it all at this moment when you realize this you will be doing yourself and the other person a favour. Yes the other person will be hurt but look at it this way, isnt that better than prolonging it and heading towards an ugly end that you know will come sooner or later. Lets just say that you do cloak yourself from this reality and keep going the way everything was. All you are now doing is digging two graves and one thing I can assure you is that you will have to bury the other person with your own hands before you lay in yours. Yes, ending it now is accompanied with seemingly unbearable pain, but this one passes, sometimes quickly and mostly slowly, but it passes. Its all on you, your strength and your perseverance.
Love is not something too complicated, it just requires a lot of courage and strength and just one additional thing, Truth in your heart. You have that and everything else will flow on its own. The pain, the tears and everything else will pass if you can accept it all. Nothing lasts forever, so make it worthwhile till it exists in its true form. Well I personally use my mantra and feel that it can pull you through it all, whichever side of the story you are on. Acceptance is definitely my only salvation coz the things I cannot change I can only accept, be it love or the absence of it. But then again, what do I know, maybe love got to me as well!! ;)
